It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I need to align my fucking chakras
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
