If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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