I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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