I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
