I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
