I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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