Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize
