I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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