Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
