i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Randomize
