I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
