people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
