In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Randomize
