I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
