she woke up with a sticky ear
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
no you cant smoke seaweed
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Randomize
