But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
It's just like the Real World with babies
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
