went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
