Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
