Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
