you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
