why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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