you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
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