I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
