Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
