i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
