i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
