just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
