I heard we made out
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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