as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I deserve this hangover.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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