so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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