Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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