Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
