once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
