she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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