We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
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