Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
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