just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
