if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
