It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Randomize
