yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Randomize
