My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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