Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
