I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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