I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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