I hate your face
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
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