I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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