Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
