Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
