I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
false alarm. still invincible.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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