dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I checked into jail on foursquare
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
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