Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
